Going Down Fighting
by Giola
Summary: For everyone else, seventh year was just another year. For me, it was the beginning of the end. It wouldn't end with job offers, but with my death.   First off, I had to figure out how to tell everyone. And how to not burst into tears constantly.
1. Prologue

**A/N:**

**This is completely different from most of the stuff I usually write, a lot more emotional, but I thought I'd put it out here and see if you like it :D. **

**So please review! Like it, hate it, whatever!**

Everything about the room was wrong. The walls were a pale, sickly green that was supposed to be 'calming', but just made me feel queasy. The bed had a white metal frame, was covered in white sheets, and had a white cotton blanket folded at the end of it. The bed, in general, was _too_ white.

The small table next to the bed was empty, and nothing about the room looked homely at all.

The only thing remotely interesting was the window, which currently had a view of the grey London sky.

However, the worst part of the room, in my opinion, was the team of Healers standing around me, all trying their hardest to look calm.

"Miss MacDougal," The head healer, the one closest to me, started speaking, her tone completely professional and devoid of all emotion, "it appears that you are recovering nicely from you incident."

I scoffed internally at that. If you called being so damn tired that you couldn't walk across a room, feeling nauseous constantly and never eating a full meal, and suffering from disturbing nightmares 'recovering nicely', then sure, I was your gal.

"However, we must inform you about some likely side-effects of the potion you ingested. The fall itself only leaves physical injuries, all of which have healed nicely. However, the combination of the liquids you ingested will most likely have negative consequences."

Now would probably be a good time for me to explain my 'incident'. You see, being the complete idiot that I am, and a Gryffindor at heart, I just couldn't turn down Black when he dared me to fly all the way from the Common Room to the Potions dungeon on my broom in the last week of sixth year.

That was how, in short, I ended up crashing head first into Slughorn's potions stock, breaking at least ten flaskfulls, and swallowing a ton of stuff that most likely wasn't good for me. I also ended up with a broken arm, but I was more concerned with my broom, which had also broken.

"We have identified most of the liquids you ingested. It seems that you swallowed a combination of a Babbling Beverage, a Befuddlement Draught, Doxycide, a Forgetfullness Potion and a Pepperup Potion. Combined, we predict that you will have some memory loss, possibly act strangely, may lose control of your actions and may experience energy dips as well as highs. Of course, we can not say exactly what will happen, but that is our best guess.

We also have found that the combination is highly dangerous, and lethal. If you had not come to us, you would most likely not see through the summer. However, using Dr. Ubbly's latest potion, we think the chances of you completing your seventh year are high."

I sat in shock.

I was going to die? At eighteen? All because of some stupid dare?

* * *

"Lori, dear, how are you?"

My mother, Mary MacDougal, bustled into the room,carrying an absolutely hideous arrangement of hyacinths. She set them on the empty (white) table next to me and set about straightening my bedspread.

"This room is simply odious! We must do something about it-" My mother was saying, and I found myself agreeing with her for perhaps the first time.

"Hey, Lor." My sister, Isabel, sidled up to my bed, her reading glasses perched on her head.

Isabel was two years above me, and had been a Ravenclaw. She was now the Junior Undersecretary for the Minister. She'd got the good genes of the family, Mum's brainiac ones.

I, on the other hand, got Dad's obsession with Quidditch, which Mum hates, and the slightly rebellious and stupid streak that I think I got from Uncle Bert.

In my mother's eyes, Isabel is the perfect daughter, and I'm the screw up. I think that was only confirmed when I basically ended my life as a result of a dare.

As soon as I thought of my condition, I quickly diverted my mind. I'd found that the best way to stop feeling depressed was to refuse to think about my impending death.

_Sunshine, puppies, kittens, unicorns, pranking Sirius, treacle tart.._

"I spoke to Professor Dumbledore this morning, and your father and I agreed that the best course of action would be for you to visit Madame Pomfrey each month, to take another dose of Dr. Ubbly's as the Healers requested."

"The headmaster is perfectly happy with this plan, so I seen to reason that prevents you from completing your N.E.."

I gaped at my mother, trying hard to control the anger I could feel contorting my features.

"Mother, what on earth gave you the idea that I'd want to spend my last moments at school?" I said, fuming.

My mother turned around, her eyes piercing mine, momentarily distracted from dusting the windowsill.

"Lorille, of course you will return to Hogwarts. No one in our family has ever failed to complete their N.E., and I will not let you be the first. Besides, what would you rather be doing?" My mother stared down at me, looking as if she had no idea what possessed or motivated me.

Which was how I felt most of the time regarding my mother and sister. They were the same, goal-oriented and serious. Dad, on the other hand, had a fun loving streak, that Mum unfortunately repressed.

She _would not_ do the same to me.

"I'd rather play Quidditch!" I exclaimed, sitting up straight in my bed.

My mother looked exasperated at my suggestion, and my sister sighed.

"No. I forbid it. Flying caused this accident, I will not let you waste your year on Quidditch only to have some accident end your life sooner than necessary." My mother said, looking down her nose at me.

"I don't care what you want! It's not up to you, or Dad. Did you even tell him what you decided? Where is he, anyway?" I said, momentarily distracted by the absence of my father.

"Your father is at work." My mother sniffed snobbily.

"You didn't answer my question!" I yelled.

"Did you even bother to tell Dad? Did you even think to consult me? What about what I want, for once?" I screamed, tears pricking my eyes.

My mother glared at me, and I glared right back. We sat in a stony silence for several minutes, before my sister walked forward to stand next to me.

"Mum, can you give me a moment alone with Lori?" Isabel asked, and like always, my mother allowed her to have anything she wanted, and stalked out the room, her nose in the air.

It was so unfair, my sister got anything and everything she could ever want, and I was under lock and key.

"Lori, you know Mum just wants to control everything. She can't grasp the fact that she can't control what's happening to you, so she's trying to control every other aspect of your life instead." My sister said, sitting on the edge of my bed gingerly.

I stared at her, waiting for her to continue, careful not to let any emotions show on my face.

"Lor, I know you might want to fly all the way around the world and have some grand adventure, but please stay here for Mum. You might be dying, but she's losing a daughter. You're a strong person, she's not. One crack in her life, and _this_ happens. Please, stay here. I don't think Dad or I will be able to deal with her breaking down." Isabel said, looking down at me, her hand gently resting on my leg.

I sighed. My sister was right, in a way. As much as my mother and I disagreed, I knew I couldn't really deny her this request. Mum, as much as she put up a formidable front, was a rather fragile woman, and would probably never be the same.

Yet another depressing consequence of that stupid dare.


	2. Insane

I spent all of July and half of August in St Mungo's.

I was only released on the condition that I remained at home in a 'low stress environment', and was treated to plenty of bed rest.

I took a few walks to the local park, but my mother had turned into an over-protective monster and hardly allowed me to leave the house. She organised so many family outings that it seemed like she was trying to squeeze a lifetime's of them into a year.

Which she probably was.

I did get to go to Diagon Alley to get my school things, but we were in and out in under two hours, and I didn't run into anyway, which I was both relieved and annoyed about. What would I say to them? But, on the other hand, I'd missed them a lot.

I recieved several letters from Lily, but I replied to none of them. All of my fellow classmates had watched me get carted off to St Mungo's at the end of term, but none of them had visited.

Lily was the only one who asked how I was, but I couldn't reply, I didn't know how.

The few other people who wrote to me were all about trivial things, Quidditch and such. It appeared that my little incident had been forgotten.

Too bad _I'd _never be able to forget it.

The holidays were blank for me. I felt fine, but everyone else treated my like I was made of porcelain and could break at any second.

Which wassn't true, I had about a year, which is, like, 30 million seconds or something like that.

So, I have 30 million seconds.

Merlin, that's scary...

_Unicorns, pudding, throwing a Quaffle at Sirius..._

"Sirius Black, give that back to me RIGHT NOW!" I screamed across the station, causing some scared-looking first years to turn around and stare at me.

Pff. I don't care what they think. Pretty much everyone thinks I'm completely insane, anyway.

Well, except Lily, but she _is_ insane, so she doesn't count.

Black, like the stupid, sodding, annoying Marauder that he is, continued pelting down the platform carrying my Nimbus 1001.

Yes, that's right, I have one of _those_ brooms. Yes, the ones that were only released last month, and cost enough to backrupt families.

But, for my father, no broomstick is ever too expensive. Quidditch is Dad's guilty pleasure, and a big cause of my mother's frustration.

Currently, we have a mint-condition Cleansweep FIve, circa 1953, a vintage Comet 180, circa 1938, my first broom, a lovely Silver Arrow that I christened Sparkles, a few Shooting Stars that gather dust, the original Comet 140 _and_ the original Cleansweep One and, my personal favourite, a very rare, and very valuable, Moontrimmer.

Anyway, I digress. I started pelting after Black, who was currently laughing his head off, holding my broom above his head like a baboon.

Ha, 'Black the Baboon'. I'll have to remember that.

"Black, you bloody baboon, give me my Nimbus!" I screamed, which only caused Black to run faster, towards his fellow Marauders, who, as far as I could tell, were egging him on.

I screamed in frustation, grabbing my wand out of my back pocket.

"_Langlock!_" I screeched, and watched in satisfaction as Black stopped suddenly, clutching at his mouth.

"_Accio Nimus 1001._" I said triumphantly, and caught my broom as it soared towards me.

Unfortunately, by that time, Remus had reversed my little hex, and Black was staring at me with utter loathing.

I turned on my heel, preparing to saunter down to the other end of the station where my trunk lay, with a proud smirk on my face.

Unfortunately, I found my self hanging upside down in the air, hoisted up by my ankle.

Damn him, he used _Levicorpus. _

Why didn't I think of that?

Well, at least I wore jeans today, otherwise this would by _really_ embarrassing.

You see, in the last year all these new hexes had started appearing around the school. I _think_ the Marauders might have made them up, but Snape also seems to be quite adept at them.

The rest of us poor students are left to try and keep up with the new spellwork, constantly defending ourselves against the never-ending threat of being hoisted into the air.

Of course, the only people who really get attacked all the time are the Slytherins, particularly Snape, and myself, since I tick off Black.

I thought the Marauders might grow up a bit in seventh year and stop having a go at little old me, but apparently not, since I'm currently being laughed at by a bunch of third years.

I saw someone heading my way, coming from the barrier. Once I identified the unruly black hair, I gulped.

James Potter.

Almost as bad as Black, but not quite. Lily's eternal tormentor, and, in my opinion, her secret crush, though don't tell her I said that, she'd hex me good and proper.

"Sirius, let her down." Potter said, and I swear I heard quite a few people gasp.

Since when was Potter turning down a good pranking opportunity? What the hell happened over summer?

"Sirius." Potter said again, in a warning tone, and I heard Sirius sigh.

I fell to the ground in a heap, slowly picking myself up, dusting my jeans off, and turning to glare at Black.

"Mate, being Head Boy's making you go soft." Black said, clapping Potter on the shoulder.

It was only then that I realised who had been standing next to Potter, the same someone who was currently brushing off my top.

Lily.

What the hell? Why was she within a ten foot radius of Potter? Did someone cast Imperius on everyone over summer, and miss me?

"Lily!" I screeched, getting over my shock enough to greet my best friend.

"Hey, Lori." She grinned at me, and I caught sight of the badge on her chest.

"You're Head Girl!" I exclaimed, and hugged her.

"You're Head Girl?" Black said, and we all stared at him.

It took a moment for it to hit me, but then I gasped.

"Oh." I said, looking between Potter and Lily.

"Lil, I'm so sorry. Of all the people Dumbledore could've picked..." I looked at my best friend pityfully, and she laughed.

"It's alright. Potter's deflated his head a bit now." She said, and I raised an eyebrow at the git in question.

"What?" He said, shrugging.

Black was shaking his head sadly.

"Well, Pete, it looks like we're the only two uncorrupted ones here. I thought we'd only lose Moony, but here goes Prongs..." With that, Black led Pettigrew away, and I grabbed Lily and towed her towards our trunks.

Unfortunately, Potter called after all of us.

"Oh, Sirius, and MacDougal, y'know we'll have to report this to McGonagall, don't you? Duelling on the platform is not the best way to start the term." Potter said, and I whirled around to face him.

"Are you bloody serious, mate?' Black said, looking murderous.

"Look, Padfoot," Potter said, running a hand through his hair, "Lily'll kill me if I bend the rules."

I looked at Lily, and sure enough she looked triumphant. I'd bet my Gobstones set that she'd put Potter up to this as soon as she spotted the, ah, disturbance. If anyone can make him fall in line, it'll be Lily Evans.

Lily sighed, blowing a strand of her red hair out of her face.

"Is it just me, or is this train ride taking way longer than usual?" Lily said, a bored expression on her face.

"Lil, you've spent the past hour in the Prefect meeting, you only just got to our compartment! How can you be bored already? Are we that pathetic?" I said, gesturing to myself and Alice Fortescue, our fellow Gryffindor seventh year.

"Of course not, it's just...I don't know. I just don't feel right!" Lily said, in possibly one of her vaguest statements ever.

Alice snorted at that.

"Does this have anything to do with James?" She asked, with a gleam in her eye.

"So, Lori, you obviously recovered from crashing into the potions cupboard, then?" Lily asked, very obviously changing the topic and avoiding Alice's question.

"Nuh-uh, Lil, you don't get out of this that easily!" Alice cut in before I could come up with some statement that subtlely said 'yeah I'm basically fine, except for the whole, you know, dying thing'.

"So, Lori? Anything to report?" Lily asked me, talking over Alice, turning away from her in a determined effort to avoid the topic of a certain Mr Potter.

Not suss at all, Lil.

"Nope. Boring summer from me." I said, trying to keep any emotions off my face.

I wanted to tell them, I really did, but 'Hey, guys, I'm dying!' isn't really the kind of thing you blurt out into everyday conversation.

"We tried to visit you a few days after term ended, but the Healers said we weren't allowed up, as we weren't family." Alice chimed in, finally giving up harrassing Lily.

I hadn't known that. I probably would have been unconcious at the time, but I still appreciated the fact that at least my two closest friends had visited.

"I would've written, but Dad had to go to New Zealand for business, so me and Mum went for a 's a bit hard to find a bird that'll fly halfway across the world." Alice said with a smile on her face.

"Yeah, how was that?' Lily said, and I felt a little jealous of the fact that both of them had been able to have normal summers.

"Alright, nothing special. There was this one place that smelled absolutely awful, something about the volcana fumes or something, but I swear, it was worse than the Marauder's dorm!" Alice exclaimed, and Lily chuckled.

I just smiled weakly, still in my melancholy state.

"Hey, Lor, why didn't you write back?" Lily said, finally addressing one of those dreaded questions.

"Um..." I started, frantically trying to think of an excuse.

"Dad surprised us with a trip to...Russia." I blurted.

Russia? Why on earth did I pick Russia?

"Russia? Why?" Lily asked, confused.

"Oh...my sister just got a promotion, and she's always wanted to go to Russia..." I invented wildly.

Well, half of it was true, my sister had got promoted.

"It was cold." I added lamely, since they were both staring at me, waiting for me to add something.

"Oh." Alice said, her face screwed up in distaste.

"Still better than staying in London all summer!" Lily said, sighing again.

"Aw come on Lily flower, it wasn't that bad, was it?"

We all whirled around at the sound of James Potter, who was leaning on the doorframe, the picture of relaxation and self-assurance.

The other Marauders were behind him, Black leaning against the opposite wall, exerting an arrogant air that instantly made me want to gag, Remus was standing just behind Potter, a pile of books in his arms and Pettigrew was trying to push past Black and Remus to see into our compartment.

"Hey, James." Lily said, and the five of us (me, Alice, Sirius, Remus and Peter) all gasped.

"You called him James!" I exclaimed, gobsmacked.

Alice was staring at Lily, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Remus was glancing between Lily and Potter with a knowning look in his eye and Pettigrew had squealed and was now going red.

Black's reaction was the best though.

"Evans? Is that you? Or did something take over your body and make you _not _hate Prongs?" He said, his eyebrows raised.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" I said, before realising that I'd just agreed with Black.

Black and I looked at each other briefly, mutual disgust evident on our features, before turning back to our possibly alien-invaded friends.

"What the hell happened to you, Lil? I know you said his head shrunk, but I didn't think you meant enough for you to call him _James_." I said, shuddering at the use of Potter's first name.

Lily shrugged.

"_James,"_she emphasised, "isn't so bad once you get to know him without the bravado act." She said, and I swear Potter and her exchanged a small smile and a knowing glance.

What the hell? If I didn't know Lily better, I'd say she was finally falling for Potter's pathetic attempts for woo her.

Yes, he has actually used the word woo in reference to Lily. Shudder.

"Oi, MacDougal, think you'll ever be able to see me past my bravado?" Sirius said to me, smirking.

I think I heard Lily groan next to me, and I swear James rolled his eyes, but I ignored them all as I lunged at Sirius, intending to knock him to the ground.

Unfortunately, James and Remus stepped infront of the doorway, essentially creating a barrier between us. I pounded my fists against it, frustrated.

"Let me hex him!" I screamed, but they merely chuckled.

"Damn you, Potter." I said after several minutes of chucking a tantrum at the human barrier, including several kicks.

"We can't let you constantly get in detention." Lily said blatantly, still in her seat.

"Lily and I are Heads now, we have to at least look like we're responsible." James said reasonably, apparently deciding that Sirius and I were not going to kill each other and moving to sit next to Lily, who didn't recoil like she once would have.

WEIRD.

"I hate you all." I said to no one in particular as Remus and Peter also took seats, essentially invading our previously peaceful compartment.

Grr.

Sirius carefully came inside, keeping a distance from me, and took the remaining seat next to Peter.

"So, Prongs, when're Quidditch trials?" Black said to get the conversation going again, still carefully keeping an eye on me.

"Second weekend." Potter replied, reclining in his seat with his hands crossed behind his head.

"Who do we need to replace?" Black asked, and I saw Lily groan, and rest her head against the window, not liking the Quidditch topic.

"Boggs and Carpenter." Potter replied, "but if we find some awesome new beater, you might have to go, Padfoot..." Potter joked.

"Pff, no one's as awesome as me." Black said, like his typical macho, self absorbed self.

"You still going to be part of the team, aren't you Lor?" Potter asked me, his face showing concern, probably because I hadn't chimed in on the Quidditch discussion. Whoops.

"For sure." I said, smiling warmly.

From then on, the atmosphere relaxed in the compartment. Lily and Potter were talking quietly in the corner, working out Prefect patrols with Remus' input. Sirius and Peter seemed to be planning a prank, as they were whispering and trying to keep Lily from hearing them. Alice and I just caught up, talking about everything and anything.

Well, except for, you know, my little condition.

By the time we reached Hogsmeade, I almost felt like it was any other year. We were all laughing and joking around, looking forward to the food and Hogsmeade weekend, a general feeling of dread among us when N.E. were mentioned.

For a moment, I allowed myself to believe that I could have a future, that I was just like them. I let myself forget for that train ride, and for the first time since July, I relaxed and felt myself returning to who I was before the incident.

I let myself dream.


End file.
